A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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