Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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