I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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