You just made me feel so damn special
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
