She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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