I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
