Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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