I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
