upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
