life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize