And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
