I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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