can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just cut my nipple shaving
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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