I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
