I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
