if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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