my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
