I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
