I like my sex mixed with concussions.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
