walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
