you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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