grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
