Where is the hickey?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
