WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
