At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
