some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
