How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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