am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
