And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
