If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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