Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
