I bet he comes in French.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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