You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
