Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
