Im at strip club and am horny
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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