Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
