just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
