Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
