Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
