its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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