went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
