We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
