i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
