fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
