those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
