Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
