everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
