every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
