I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize