Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
