roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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