just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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