office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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