using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
