No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have fence marks all over my body
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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