Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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