It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
