I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
