His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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