don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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