wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
