Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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