4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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