I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
