I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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