you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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