hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
