Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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